Riley Trip 2- July 29 2013

We went to Riley, got the Pavlik and are adjusting. It's not as bad as what I imagined and only one sleepless night so far.

Tonight, I am grateful for Katie's shunt. Sometimes it hits me hard that my child could have died. She had swelling on her brain! That's a really huge deal. I am grateful for a device that can drain the fluid and take away her swelling. I am amazed. I can deal with a large bump on her head in the shape of her shunt because she is alive. 

I am also grateful that while the harness is annoying her hips will not be dislocated in the end of her 6 weeks. 

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night. I thought of being in the NICU. I thought of the dings of the machines and the lights being so bright. I thought of my own hospital bed. I thought of coming home without her and waking myself up to pump milk for her. I thought, "How did we do that?" and then I followed with, "We did it because we had to." There are no options or rewinds or refreshes when your child is born no matter how healthy. You love them and you do everything you can to provide. While the pain of a c-section mixed with the searing pain of a life changing event like Spina Bifida was tough it did not kill me or my family. It won't. It can't.

Some days I have to talk myself into being ok. It's only been 3 months. I carried her for 9! I tell myself it's ok for this to take time. Getting used to my new  does life takes time, but I am cherishing everyday with my family. I don't want to be my parents' age looking back regretting not spending time with them. Billy Graham when asked if he had any regrets said something like he wishes he would have spent more time at home. 

I love that Ada is growing up. Watching her learn so much makes my heart swell. She really loves her sister and loves making her laugh. Ada is learning to be honest, which is also amazing to see. Katie wants to sit up. I think this shows her determination in her physical state. She loves watching faces and even has a favorite toy. I can't believe I get to be Ada and Katie's mommy!